Despite having read a great number of memoirs and autobiographies, I don't tend to enjoy the read, I am usually doing it for research or personal knowledge about the subject. That changed when I learned that AJ Benza had written a memoir. After reading it I was amazed at how moving the book was, teary eyed in parts, and blown away by the tenderness and subject matter. I was taken into a different world than the one in which I'd lived. During the Summer of 1974 A.J. Benza's family had a guest. His cousin, who happened to be gay, was sent to live with A.J.'s family, and certain things happened to change outlooks, perceptions, and understanding. It made me laugh, cry, and smile. It is a perfect gift for people who are dealing with revelations of orientation, or just for those who love stories about true family lives.
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As books go I've bought this many times and shared it with people. All of them reported back that it was a moving beautiful work. A couple of those people said, hard to believe he was on Howard Stern. Well I like Howard Stern, for me how I understood their point was, this work is great, but who knew? I think it is a beautiful tribute to a family and a life well lived. I know I couldn't write nearly so great a book. I thought, why the hell isn't there a paperback version. It'd sure save me money. So I asked A.J., over on his Twitter why not. This interview with A.J. is a hope to share it with more readers, and hope, even if only a few more sell, the publisher will get the hint, it needs more eyes, because such a work deserves more readers.
I was very blessed and scared to interview A.J. Benza. He
has lived numerous lives, lived them publicly, and I loved his presence
on Howard Stern, and, enjoyed his E show about Hollywood lives and
tragedies. Blessed because he gave of his time and attention, and
scared because I didn't want to screw up.
Was your motive for writing the work simply memoir as in a diary of
sort, or did you go into it knowing it had a certain power, and wanted
to share it for that?
AJ Benza: I wanted to write something to document my
family’s existence. I had a wonderful upbringing and many years of
happiness at our home on Long Island, and I just wanted to get that era
down on paper. I remembered that summer as something that stayed with me
forever. Sometime around 2009 or so, I began playing with turning it
into a screenplay. But I figured a book would be best first. And if
someone liked it enough, it would get optioned and I could get paid to
write the screenplay. And that’s exactly what happened.
As a memoir did
you write it primarily to link your work of reporting of other lives, to
writing about your own life, and create a work to memorialize a life in
print?
AJB: This wasn’t about me. This was really a love letter to my
family, mainly my father. I found myself the same age my father was back
in 1974 and I was really tapping into what his feelings and
insecurities and challenges were back then. At some point it hits and
overcomes you – ‘Wow, I get it. I understand standing in my father’s
shoes.’ This book is really about how my little cousin changed my
father, and that is what changed all of us.
Was the dichotomy of proper
and normal versus criminal and feared what made this story particularly
poignant, that is, if you’d been raised by a 3rd generation American
family in the Midwest and had a cousin stay for the summer, do you think
it would have resonated so powerfully? Why or why not?
AJB: I think what
makes this story poignant or very relatable is because of its
commonality. Families all over experienced this. I never thought about
families out in Tennessee or Colorado or even outside America when I was
writing. I just told our true story. It was only after it was published
that I began to get letters and calls from people everywhere telling me
“This is exactly the way it was for me and my family!” And that made me
feel great. But I think ‘74 and Sunny’ is bolstered by my father’s
language and his passion. Every story is better when the subject’s are a
quirky, passionate, dangerous and loving.
You’ve said that you are
working on writing the screen version of the work, is it written with a
mind to who might make the film, act in it, or be the audience, or, do
you simply write it thinking, on film this would work best by presenting
it thus…?
AJB: As I was writing the book, I wrote it with one eye on a
future movie script. I always felt this story was good enough to be a
film. And the subject matter of gender and nature vs. nurture is so
timely and important in our culture that it always screamed for a TV or
film treatment. Now, that I am nearly done with the script I’ve come to
the conclusion that – as sweet and wonderful y book is – I punched up
some parts to make them ‘movie moments.’ Truth is, book and scripts are
written very differently is style and structure. But I’m very happy with
where the script is at. George Gallo was the first director I met when I
came to L.A. in 1997 – he had me over to his house for dinner. It’s just
another wonderful quirk of fate that he would be the one who wanted to
direct the movie as soon as he and his wife read the book.
Did your
cousin change your own view regarding gay and straight, was the real
transformation your own, or that of watching your father’s deeper honor
and love for family rise to the surface in response to hate speech?
AJB: My
cousin didn’t change my view. Our time together that summer and
subsequent summers basically formed my views on the world of gay and
straight. I was young and my mind was still very moldable. The bigger
thing that occurred was watching my father come to understand my
cousin’s world. That summer sparked a compassion in him that obviously
made a huge impression on me.
In your personal experience, do you think
the goal of any book should have a transformative evolution and
resolution, or can it exist successfully as a simple memoir without any
sort of moral evolution?
AJB: Every book should change you. It may be subtle,
it may be gigantic. But either way, every book should move the reader
toward a resolution that wasn’t necessarily there before that book was
cracked open. But in all honesty, I wasn’t prepared for what my book
would do to people. I truly began writing it because some books and
scripts have a gestation period in the writer’s body. ‘74 and Sunny’ had
to come out of my body. I was gonna give birth to that book whether I
wanted to or not. At some point, I didn’t have the control. The book
did. I am aware of some people who didn’t truly expect such an
emotionally rewarding book.
Do you think perhaps your previous presence
in the media as a gossip columnist, "punching bag for Chuck Zito",
Stern show person, had an effect of lowering those expectations?
AJB: People are gonna see me the way they see me. For instance, you
bringing that up the Zito fight, I just have to laugh. On one hand, it
shows just how little some people know about me. On the other, I get to
change your short-sided perception. If they don’t understand that a man
grows and his life is entirely different than it was 25 years prior,
that’s a shame for them. Being knocked out by Chuck Zito was wonderful.
Not that very night, but the aftermath and all the years since. For
various reasons back then, I was in need of being humbled. And the
universe has a way of sending down what is needed to correct that. In my
case it was a one punch, strip club knockout in a janitor’s closet.
Chuck and I are friends to this day and I respect what he did that
night. If anything, it provided me more of a ‘tough guy’ image – as did
my Howard Stern appearances and my Daily News column – so that when I
wrote ’74 and Sunny’, it made a lot of people pleasantly surprised at
who was underneath that gruff exterior. The world sees you the way it
wants to see you. And eventually you are who the world says you are. But
it’s always nice to show a softer side and have the public embrace it.
This is not, NOT saying you aren't or weren’t a good writer, ever, asking if the world you moved
in previously was less snobbishly literary, less “proper” less normal, than most of
that of other memoir readers?
AJB: I never connected with a literary crowd and
never wanted to. I don’t do well with people who live with a stick up
their asses. In many cases, a writer is as good as the stories he’s
lived, the relationships he’s forged and the life he’s courageously
carved out. My writing is good because I got off my ass and lived the
life of 100 men.
I truly enjoyed you on Stern Show, your appearances were wild. Did being on that
show feel surreal, or, was it just really good radio?
AJB: There were times
when it felt surreal – like watching two sisters have oral sex right in
front of us at 7:25 in the morning. Or having strippers wait for me in
the green room so we could hang after the show ended. Or frankly, just
shooting the shit with Howard during commercial breaks. It never felt
like a job that’s for sure. I have only the fondest memories of Howard
and the show. There was nothing bigger. It was the best radio of all
time. But more than anything, sitting across from Howard, helped me be
real and honest. What people don’t understand is being on that show
there is this insane desire to make Howard laugh. It’s akin to how you wanted to
please your father or mother. And in doing that, it made me understand
that my straight-up honesty is what separates me from other
story-tellers or writers. So that’ll never change for me. When you
listen to me or read me…it’s always the straight dope.
Do you have other
works born from your life experiences such as that summer of 1974 in
the works? Where will you take your many talents from here?
AJB: Right now, I
spit out countless true stories about my life in journalism or Showbiz
on my daily podcast “Fame is a Bitch.” I’m also writing my third book,
which will me another memoir based on my life out here in L.A. the last
22 years. Those stories have never been written down. My first book
ended with my move to Hollywood. So there’s a lot more to say.
Thanks A.J.
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