PERHAPS THE WORST MOVIES I EVER SAW
By Alex Ness
I've mentioned that I like monsters and vintage horror, not splatter porn or gore. So I'll be asked when and why that I watched these. I was at a convention with a friend and I was in the hotel room, while they did their professional links, promotions, contacts. The pizza was good. But the waiting in the room for 48 hours of boredom was brutal. I read my books that I brought along, and had so many naps I was sleeped out. Interestingly, either for the patrons of the event or the people that were brought along, they had free direct movie channels had one channel that was horror galore.
I tried watching these commercial free movies... It wasn't fun. I was told I should have brought booze. I wasn't in Hell for pain yet, I didn't have to take meds to endure life. But I couldn't just drive off. So I slept, watched, bought tons of Diet Mountain Dew and watched crap. Other than otherwise just as uninteresting movies, the other channels available were all Golf. Not a fan of Golf, or a weekend in summer when the temps tempted freezing in the am. It was really cold.
SAW
IMDB LINK
I didn't want to watch this, I kind of figured it would be what it was. And no, I didn't figure out everything supposed to be a clever surprise. But I did guess a number of things.
I thought it was nasty, and violence porn.
SAW II
IMDB LINK
Yep, because I thought it couldn't get worse. It wasn't really a useless exercise in violent jump scare bullshit. But it was escape room torture porn. People who enjoy such madness, probably enjoy such a movie. I didn't really hate it so much as I began to watch it as a research of what kind of people would enjoy this, what kind of films entertain people who want to be abused, given a toxin, and a time limit in which to figure out a puzzle or something or die.
IMDB LINK
Now, I know what you are thinking, what the Hell would you think could be worth watching this if you hated the first two films in the series. Well you'd be right... I could never have watched this and enjoyed it. I did think some of the scenes of torture were better in terms of effects. Otherwise there is absolutely nothing new with this, well except instead of testing the will to survive, the willingness to slaughter one's own body before quitting or achieving success. This time a doctor must be kidnapped to lengthen the torment, and the torment's purpose is to hurt someone long enough to test the willingness to forgive and go beyond the self's willingness to simply survive. But sadly, the wildly unbelievable roller coaster ride was not worth the time or cost.
I appreciated the desire to bring in more than simply survive or puzzle solve, or go beyond simple brutality. But it was so poorly concocted that I logically couldn't buy into it. I got it free so I didn't actually buy it but nonetheless. I wish I had been drunk, so I could forget. Now, truthfully, my memory now is shit and this is about 15 years ago.
My life isn't better altogether, I made a lot of mistakes on the way, and my health went to Hell shortly after. I wonder if it wasn't the movies that triggered it.
IN OTHER NEWS: As I found a printer locally who seems to be reliable by next week you should be able to order some inexpensive works with prose and more featuring original works.
LINKS
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